QUESTION 1: In’Finiti is the name of something. What is it the name of?
ANSWER: In’Finiti is ____________.
Here's a hint!
A: The name of a failed Destiny’s Child copycat band.
B: The name of Shaq’s new line of extra-premium tequila.
C: The name of an X-Men character whose power is to stop time, yet still be able to move around while everyone else is completely still.
D: The name of a $15,000 foldable stove found in Hammacher Schlemmer Magazine.
E: The name of a South Korean man’s female World of Warcraft orc mage avatar.
F: The name of an EDM-themed couples resort in Mexico.
G: The name of a moneyed theoretical mathematician’s yacht.
H: The name of a gaming chair made by Mad Catz.
I: The name of the attractive young girl who’s about to work the pole on stage 3.
J: The name of a line of 110 Inch high-res TVs manufactured by Sanyo.
K: The name of a Maximum-Hold™ Hairspray for teens from the 90’s.
L: The most popular baby name in 2037.
M: The name of an enclave of arcane cultists whose rite of passage involves bathing in the ChronoPond in the secret bomb shelter beneath the Lincoln Memorial.
N: The name of 1960-70s bizarro music legend Frank Zappa’s pet rattlesnake.
O: The name of the newest Apple OS update.
P: The name of a tattoo magazine distributed to limited regions of south LA.
Q: The name given, by the author of an ersatz LOTR series, to a fictional, un-traversable bog.
R: The name of an exorbitantly expensive boutique shoe store in SoHo.
S: The name of the “top luxury” model of Sealy Posturepedic mattress.
T: The name of an herbal teashop’s intramural feather-bowling team.
U: The name of a frustratingly difficult space-themed pinball machine.
V: The name of a Hunger Games copycat book-turned-film in which the plucky, young female protagonist discovers that she is the last of a legendary race of immortals, hidden from the fascist government by step-parents who are killed in the film’s first act, causing the girl to go on the run, which culminates in her unearthing the fact that her parents, and all the other immortals for that matter, are still alive and simply held in captivity by said fascist government, wherein it becomes the subject of the next 2-4 movies for her to first release her immortal brethren and then, with the help of the huddled masses of beleaguered citizens, overthrow the fascist government, heralding a freer brave new world.
W: The name of a Jivamukti yoga center in Chatham, MA.
X: The name of a tri-yearly online journal boasting “mind-rending, unclassifiable and daring” poetry, that only released a single issue.
Y: The name of a glass-blowing studio that specializes in decorative Klein bottles.
Z: The name of a high school hip-hop dance team.
ZZ: The name of something else.
Did you guess it?
If you chose ZZ, you’re correct! Surprisingly, In’Finiti is the name of a delightfully high-class Portland waterfront brewery, distillery, bar and restaurant. Though you would have been very close had you guessed A-Z.
Good grub abounds. Match that with a substantial home-brewed beer selection (whose brewing tanks are visible behind the bar) and curated cocktails and you’ve got a heck of a place. From burgers to lobster mac to charcuterie plates, In’Finiti is solid. Very highly recommended.
Call it $$ expensive. Dinner, all told with appetizers for both and ample beer, will probably run $70-$80 for a couple.
Labor of Love
You can tell a lot of thought went into the space. A barrel motif suffuses the place, giving it a designed yet comfortable feeling. Plus, seeing the mighty brewing machinery through a glass wall certainly gives you great confidence in the place’s ability to deliver fresh, appealing beverages.
Not to single out this place, but it falls neatly into a trend in Portland dining: spotty service. Some visits, the server is attentive and chipper, always hitting the timing just right. Other nights the server becomes a cryptozoological marvel, unseen but for a glimpse every third moon. At In’Finiti, it’s normally the former, but the latter has also occurred.
EAT OR SKIP:
In’Finiti does almost everything right. It’s really the name that gets me most. While I’m sure there’s some well-thought-out and poignant explanation for it, I really can’t accept it. It is not the name of a tastefully excellent brewery/bar/grill. Maybe, with time, I’ll get past it. Being a lover of words, though, I can’t say with any confidence that I will.