VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 12:42 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
Hey, Barbecue! It’s me. I was just calling to say… last weekend was great. So great, Barbecue. OK so full disclosure, I’ve been drinking a little and I just wanted to tell you that it was so good to see you and it was great. Wow, I’m totally messing this up already. I’m sorry. I mean, OK, that’s all. OK I’m going to shut up now...
I’m... Umm... OK.
Bye!
END OF MESSAGE
VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 12:48 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
But seriously, Barbecue? Why don’t... You should come up to Portland! I mean, you’d love it here. All my friends would be like... Pffff… You don’t even know, people would think you were, just, awesome.
I mean we had such great times in Michigan, when I was there. So many lazy Saturdays and two-beer lunches and like... all the time we’d hang out and it would be so easy... so natural.
Yeah, I know! I decided to move I’m an idiot. Why would I expect you! Barbecue! To follow me?! So stupid! I just... I’m… I want to be WITH you and...
OK that’s it, that’s all I was—
END OF MESSAGE
VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 1:36 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
Hey there you! I want you to know—
*SOUND OF CARS PASSING*
— it Barbecueeeeee!
END OF MESSAGE
VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 1:59 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
OK so I know you prolly think I'm crazy but... Barbecue I just wanted to say one last thing...
*LOUD GULPING*
I just wanted to say… I wish that we were—
*MUFFLED BURP*
That we were together!
See because the other Barbecue here, they’re not like you. They’re just not the same. I mean, they’re trying and you know… You know! You’re just so…
Barbecue I love you. I just have to say it and you can take it or leave it but I love you and now that you know that… You’re just so perfect. I mean, you’re spicy and you’re savory and you’re so tender but then the sauce: tart, sweet, tangy. I’m sorry Barbecue, you’re… I dream about you!
I don’t know, could you call me back if you’re awake? Or… I’m sorry… You know what? I’m sorry just forget it. Just… yeah.
END OF MESSAGE
VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 2:21 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
— maaaaaazinggggg graaaaaaace! How sweeeet th —.
*MUFFLED GRUNT* *TWIGS SNAPPING*
Ow… ah… what…
*HEAVY BREATHING*
*INTENSE RUSTLING*
Bush has prickers…
*MORE TWIGS SNAPPING*
END OF MESSAGE
VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 2:43 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
Ummmm… I’m…
*GENTLE CRASH OF WAVES LAPPING AT THE SHORE*
I’m on the beach right now. I… You probably hate me…
*SNIFFLES*
I can’t live without you… Why can’t you just come here?! It’s so easy! Everyone… Everything would be so awesome…
It’s not about you and me it’s about everything, Barbecue! We would be so great together up here! If you just came here for real and I just… Thinking about you on that plate back there I… Barbecue I need you!
We need to be together and now I’m standing in the ocean Barbecue! Here I am. I walked down here and I think I’m just going to walk in and keep swimming out. I don’t know. If you just call me in the next ten minutes I won’t walk out. But if you stay silent! If you don’t call me back then… Then…
Barbecue! Just…
*GUTTURAL SOB*
BarbecuuueeeeeEEEEEEEEEE!!!
END OF MESSAGE
VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPT: 10:15 AM JUNE 14 2014
BEGIN MESSAGE:
Hey, Barbecue, it’s Brett. I don’t know if I called you or something last night… I had a couple drinks. But I was just thinking we should totally hang out again soon. OK, cool. Just call me back when you get a chance. Bye!
END OF MESSAGE
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FOOD: 4.5 Stars |
Outside of Austin, TX, this is some of the best barbecue I’ve had. The burnt ends are super smoky and flavorful. You could cut the beef brisket with a fork. Not to mention that the sides are just obscenely tasty: pickles, collard greens and the Corn Bowl (which is a bowl of fresh, smoked corn that seriously tastes like pop corn). |
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PRICE: Medium |
A solid lunch with a beer will cost you ~$20. But, for the quality of the barbecue, this is not too much at all. |
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AMBIENCE: Pit Boss Chic |
Sturdy, wooden tables, exposed brick and a huge smoker, open to the hungry eyes of the dining masses. It’s a cool, expansive space dedicated to barbecue (with a couple TVs for checking in on the important sports happenings of the day). |
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SERVICE: Midwest nice |
Great service every time I’ve gone. This past foray was no exception. |
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EAT OR SKIP: Eat |
Absolutely. Sure, when it comes to Michigan, barbecue isn’t the first delicacy to come to mind. But time and again, Lockhart’s satiated my need for properly prepared barbecue. Sure, Slows Bar-B-Q might have the more looming reputation, but for my money, I’d pick Lockhart’s every time. |