Dear E-mail Subscriber,
I'm excited to announce Clown Boss Inc.’s newest line of high quality office gags and gifts! Our team of Hee-Hee-searchers has been hard at work to bring you Clown Boss Inc.’s best offerings to date. We hope you enjoy our comprehensive catalogue of yuck-tastic items.
C.E.O. Clown Boss Inc.
Clown Boss Inc.’s Summer Offering:
CEO Bell Collar
“Hey, check out this video of a dog humping an exercise ball!” *dingling* *dingling* “You know what? Let’s go over those numbers one more time.” Never worry about a surprise visit again. With the CEO Bell Collar, everyone’s on the job — as far as the CEO knows ;)
The Dog Ate My Excel Spreadsheet
Fudged the numbers? Need an escape from the reality of a sinking bottom line? This e-pooch will take care of any dour document! If the bean counters in back are asking where the records have gone, just say “Oops! The DOG must have eaten them!”*
*The Dog Ate My Excel Document is not a valid legal defense as established by Clown Boss Inc. VS Great North Savings And Loan
Workin’ Hard or Hardly Workin’ Office Hammock
Trade in that Herman Miller Aeron for something a little more… relaxing. With complimentary cube hooks and drywall screws, this hammock can go up anywhere. Made of the finest sailor’s twine, our hammock is spill proof, tear proof and stretch proof. If only it were sleep proof! Make every day feel like Saturday with the Workin’ Hard or Hardly Workin’ Office Hammock.
What is that at my desk? Is it a pink slip? Did I just get fired? Oh Jesus, this is awful; this is terrible! How am I going to get my kids through school? Money was tight already since Sheila got laid off from her second job and the medical bills to get her ankle fixed were already looming and where will we go? Oh no oh no oh ho ho! It’s a prank pink slip! Clown Boss Inc. you’ve done it again! What fun!
Farting Business Card Holder
It’s a pleasure doing BRAPness with you! The Farting Business Card Holder will have potential investors holding their sides and shaking your hand at the same time!
*BESTSELLER* Clownin’ Around Powerpoint Expansion Pack
Featuring sound effects like goose honks, baby coos, Bronx cheers and over fifty different kinds of laughter, this pack will spice up any Powerpoint presentation! Plus, with new transitions like Pie in the Face™, Clown Rips the Screen™, Seltzer Spray Wipe™ and Boioioioing™ viewers won’t want to wait for the next slide!
“Broom Parking Only” Novelty Sign
Have a female coworker or boss that’s a bit of a bi— we mean WITCH?! Hang this novelty sign in her office for a lighthearted way to show her she could bear to loosen up a hag hair or two! (“Broom Parking Only” Stencil coming soon!)
Squirtin’ Security Cam
Catch a crook — or your co-workers — WET handed! Replace you security cams with these watery watchers.* Don’t worry, they’re motion activated for equal opportunity soakings.
*Squirtin’ Security Cam contains no video equipment. Not a suitable replacement for actual security cameras.
“Beware of Dog” Food Label
Worried about coworker’s getting after your precious snacks? Slap on this hilarious sticker to keep them OUT!
Three Stooges Sexual Harassment Seminar Series
Who better to explain the nuanced details of proper office conduct than Larry, Moe, Curly and their buffoonish pal Shemp. Over the course of these six gag-packed VHS tapes, the stooges yuck and slap their ways through lessons like: Why Does She Wear It If I Can’t Have a Feel?, Guys Don’t Wear Dresses, Right?, and Woop Woop Woop Woop Woop Nyuck Nyuck At Office Functions is Inappropriate.
“I’m With Stupid” Designer Tie
Hand sewn by the fashion experts at Charles Tyrwhitt, this gem will give everyone in the office a lighthearted ribbing. Made with premium fabric, this is fashion that gets funnier every time you wear it or your money back!*
*Refund not guaranteed
“Liquid Breakfast” Travel Mug
Tired of coming to work with a warm beer? Pour a cold one into this handy travel mug for all your A.M. imbibing needs. The hydra-cool™ liner means your beer stays colder and fizzier longer. Never shotgun a hot Budweiser by the dumpsters again! Plus, its average travel mug contours make for inconspicuous highway drinking. Like we say in our infomercial: If your beer’s in here, you’re in the clear!
Foul Scented Faux-breze
Designed to look like any old “Fresh Linen” Febreze, this gag spray is sure to get anyone gagging. Mist some chuckles with scents like, BBQ Toots, Hot Road Kill and Pipe Burst. Stick it in an office bathroom or better yet, your boss’ private commode. Powerful Febreze technology means this is one joke that’ll last for days.
Wacky Stretchy Montblanc Business Pen
Signing important documents just feels better with the Wacky Stretchy Mont Blanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Royale Business Pen. Over three feet of wobbly, jiggly smooth-writing hilarity.
Water Cooler Joke-A-Day Calendar
Give your co-workers something — other than your social skills — to laugh about. This hilarious set of 365 jokes from one-lining yuck master Henny Youngman is sure to have them howling. Spit out chestnuts like, “The food on the plane was fit for a king. ‘Here, King!’” and “My Doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, ‘cough.’” After a couple weeks of Henny’s knee slappers, your coworkers will be lined up at the water cooler to hear the next, “Take my wife, please!”
See anything you like? Contact our shipping specialist Nerma Grotongue at firstname.lastname@example.org with your desired item(s).
Fully loaded is probably the best term to describe Silly’s cuisine. The Birdhouse in My Soul is an open-faced chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato, guacamole and bacon crumbles. Then there’s Good Will Fishing, which is basically a fully-loaded fish taco with all the fixings like mango & basil coleslaw, scallions, red peppers avocado and more. And these are just two of probably fifty or more items. The menu is extensive and thought out. Definitely a place that rewards repeat customers. Though their strong point is their milkshakes: pictured above is the Hippy Hippy Shake, a chocolate, malt and peanut butter (yes, actual peanut butter) filled shake, topped with pretzels. Pure madness.
More food less $
Pretty much every meal is big enough to take home so it’s basically two meals for the price of one.
The atmosphere is unique in a transporting sort of way. Step into Silly’s and you are IN Silly’s. Colors and odd furnishing choices abound. It holds up to its name, but in the best possible way.
I’ve had a hiccup or two when going there late (close to their 9:00 closing time), which is totally understandable. At peak hours the service has been solid. They're a fine, cheery bunch.
EAT OR SKIP:
Silly’s is simply a fun, tasty Portland staple. Since it’s a bit out of the way, I don’t get there as often as I’d like. But when I do make my way to Silly’s that day is a good one.