Drunch

            Oh what fun!
 
            Kris KringLOL can also capture your holiday gathering with his built-in webcam. All video is uploaded automatically to  the official KringVlog where it's commentated on by the one and only PewDiePie. Follow the KringVlog today to see KringFAILS like: Grandma Washing iPad, Icy Driveway FAIL Compilation, Ham Dinner Fart Disaster, Xmas Tree Cat Fire and more!

            Any budding festive flyer will have no trouble getting KringLOL from under the tree! With his quadcopter tech, KringLOL soars through any decked hall spreading holiday LULZ from the high-and-mightiest L33t H4xx0r to the deepest troll hole.

            Worried KringLOL won't EX-TERM-IN-ATE your kid's holiday boredom? Our jolly elf has a lot more than a camera up his wibbly wobbly very merry sleeve. With patented KringTech Effusive Praise™ capabilities, Kris KringLOL can hold a fanboy-sized conversation on any of the following topics: Dr. Who, My Little Pony, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Star Wars, Star Trek, Homestuck, XKCD, Cyanide and Happiness, Adventure Time, The Marvel Universe, Trailer Park Boys, Arrested Development, Edgar Wright films, Bob’s Burgers, Gravity Falls, Reno 911, Family Guy, The Batman Trilogy, The Big Bang Theory, SpongeBob, The Leftovers, Serial, Modern Family, The Big Lebowski, The Hobbit Trilogy, /b/, Pokémon, Digimon, Samurai Jack, Avatar, Archer, /r/Showerthoughts, Stephen Colbert/John Oliver/John Stewart, Smash Brothers, Candy Crush, Skull Girls, Minecraft, Bleach, Samurai Champloo, Attack on Titan, Cowboy Bebop, Fallout New Vegas, Borderlands, Skyrim, GTA5, Civilization V, Metalocalypse, Battlestar Galactica, Russian DashCams, Homeland, House of Cards, True Detective, The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, ElfQuest, Sherlock, Skins, Orphan Black and many more!

            Kris KringLOL also functions as a TOR-encrypted wi-fi gateway to the deep web. Need some top secret Xmas info like government leaks or redacted CIA memos? Want to trade some bitcoin for heroin? Or just want to torrent The Interview in a festive “F*ck You,” to Kim Jong Un? KringLOL says “I’ll ho-ho-hook you in faster than you can say government watch list!”

            Glomp this Xmas extra hard with additional apps from the KringLOL app store. Vine while you dine! Snapchat your cat! Say WhatsApp with a tip of KringLOL’s merry cap. Any app you desire, KringLOL’s got it in his bottomless i-sack.

            Parents: chuck that elf off the shelf, because KringLOL knows exactly who’s been naughty and nice. With over 1 Terabyte of solid state memory for browser history and keystroke recognition storage, KringLOL can tell you who’s getting coal in their stocking and who’s getting an FBI warrant for the search and seizure of their secret external hard drive.

            And for older Kringlers who still want to get in on the Xmas action, there’s Kris KringLOL Gold. KringLOL Gold comes with everything you know and love in the original KringLOL, with additional stylish, erudite sensibilities for the modern renaissance man. He’ll comment on how to perfectly sculpt your neckbeard.  He’ll make sure that your trilby is positioned at an optimally rakish angle. He’ll interject atheist barbs during any innocuous conversation. And he’s a staunch Bayes-ian acolyte with a full archive of both Less Wrong and Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. Best of all, Kris KringLOL Gold is a vocal feminist; so don’t go trying to perpetuate antiquated gender norms in his jovial presence!

            Order now and get this one-size-fits-all Rudolph kigurumi, for an epic Xmas win! Buy Kris KringLOL today! He’s the merry Internets elf!

 

FOOD: 3.8 Stars	I want to like Duckfat vastly more than I like Duckfat, but I still like Duckfat.
PRICE: Plump Wallet	Not expensive, but not inexpensive. Duckfat deftly straddles the line between gourmet and grub. Expect to spend around ~$30 if you get a couple beers, fries and a panini.
AMBIENCE: Nest-worthy	The perfect place to stomp into on a cold winter’s night. Be forewarned, the space is not large, so a wait is always possible, especially for larger groups. The winter waits are rarely extensive (except on bigger weekends). During tourist season? Bring a book.
SERVICE: On Quack (in a good way)	Always attentive, in my experience, Duckfat’s service is some of the finer in Portland. Huzzah.
EAT OR SKIP: Eat	Duckfat is what Nosh wishes it were. Offering hearty paninis like the Homemade Meatloaf, the Overnight Roasted Duck Confit and the Roast Pork Belly and an intense poutine made with fries fried in duck fat, this is some flavor-forward fare. That being said, Duckfat still manages to ruffle some of my feathers (I’m so sorry). This could be due to a flaw in my very fabric — I note that the name of the place is Duckfat, so a certain heaviness of fare is to be expected — but I always leave feeling slightly unpleasantly overfed. Should I eat less? Probably. Is this my fault or the food’s? A bit of both I think. The food is rich; it’s supposed to be rich. But it is RICH. Which, taken another way, means the food is tasty as all get-out. I guess just beware of your own limitations when your eyes are ordering for your stomach.

 

DuckFat

http://duckfat.com/